It’s All About the Confidence

It’s not just famous TV stylists that can talk about confidence, but there is a lot of truth in that statement. Confident people seem to get away with everything, how do they do that? It’s as if they’ve been built in a special bullet proof, teflon-coated, skin. People can stand up in front of a room full of people and talk with the same amount of ease as if they were in their bedroom taking to themselves. Some people can appear so certain and sure, of life and how they are perceived, while others struggle to speak to a person on the telephone without getting a dry mouth, butterflies in the stomach, or getting tongue-tied.

Are there two completely different species of people in the world with a different bio-chemisty? Are we allocated in to one group or the other when we are born? Do we choose at school which camp we want to reside in? The answer to all of these questions is obviously – no. Sadly, what happens is that we are merely a product of our experiences and conditioning’s that we’ve been subjected to. The first time that we stood up in front of someone and sensed that judged feeling we did not like it, so we installed a coping strategy, and that strategy provided us with a fear of doing it again. At the time we assumed that the fear would protect us in the future and give us an early warning system of the danger that lies ahead. The more we then ran that strategy, the more we buried it in to our unconscious mind, and the easier it was to run the next time.

Of course, confidence is not just related to talking in front of people, or indeed talking to people on the phone, it affects every aspect of a person’s life. Confidence is about that person’s inner belief in their own self-worth, in their own ability to do something, in the belief that what they are going to do will be successful. It’s all internal, and is based on a person’s self-talk. Right now, it doesn’t really matter why you think you have a problem with confidence, or what terrible experiences led you to act in a certain way. What matters is what you’re going to do about it now.

Changing how you talk to yourself is massively important. Some vocalise their self talk externally, some say to others what they really mean to say to themselves, others just keep it inside and let it taunt them throughout their day. However, it manifests is equally not important, but the damaging effect that it has on a person’s future success is huge.

NLP techniques have been developed to help a person communicate better with their own unconscious, to install a better way of coping in certain situations, to change the belief that a person has in a successful outcome. Notice world leaders on the TV, and observe how confident they appear. Underneath they are the same as all of us, but they have learnt how to appear confident when needed. NLP has become so common in political circles that all major players will have had NLP Coaching at some point.

We can all identify the affect that a lack of confidence has in sport, and also the affect that supreme confidence has in sport. Everyone knows Jonny Wilkinson’s bendy-over, thumb pointing stance before he takes a kick – this is an NLP anchor that is designed to put him into the exact state that he needs to be in to completely believe that the ball will go over the posts.

So, what are some ways to improve your confidence:

  • visualise the successful completion of a task
  • visualise a desired self-image
  • anchor a positive state that can be fired when needed
  • remove limiting beliefs that you have about your own ability
  • remove limiting decisions that can hinder your progress
  • release the negative emotion of fear, because fear itself provides no positive resource.

All of these can be facilitated by an NLP Coach, and once you have these skills they can be used by yourself time, and time, again. Go to to find out more.


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